Friday, May 16, 2014

Struggling For Balance

I knew this pregnancy would be different, but I didn't know just HOW different. I assumed that I would be able to keep up hip hop up until the day that my cerclage would be placed. Under normal circumstances that would have been the case but I've spotted more during this pregnancy than my others. The minute I would be slightly active I would start to spot. For a parent who has lost a child due to incompetent cervix, spotting can be terrifying. I knew that it was normal but that small part of my brain just wouldn't switch off. So, I stopped going to hip hop.

I miss it more than anything. I feel more tired and lethargic. I'm also having a hard time readjusting my food intake. I was burning a lot of calories daily with hip hop but now I'm used to eating more but I'm not burning nearly as many calories. It's hard on my self-esteem. I'm giving in way too easily to my cravings and have no problem talking myself into eating what I want. I don't want to undo all my hard work yet. I want to gain what's necessary to keep my baby and my body healthy.

I've been reading the Beck Diet Solution which has given me some interesting insights and I need to read more. My fatigue is out of this world right now which is why I haven't gotten more into the book yet. I'm doing my best to at least log my food so I know where I'm at each day.

My mom helped me out and roasted me a bunch of peppers, onions, broccoli and zucchini. Having the food prepped and ready guarantees that it will get used where as right now, I'd sooner pass out on the couch then take the time to cut, prep, and roast my veggies. I'm still active on the Jenny Craig forums but not as active as before. I feel like a sham... having been so successful but struggling so much right now. I don't have much advice to offer so I mostly just read.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Excuse My Absence

Wow! It's been way, way too long since I've posted. But, I have been struggling with news that I want to share but that I don't really want to share via Facebook due to concerns from my family. I found out in early April that I am pregnant. I prayed to get the BEST birthday present and sure enough, just before the Color Me Rad 5K is when I found out. I opted to not do the 5k just because I didn't have time to converse with my doctor.

I lost my son at 20 weeks due to an incompetent cervix... there were no signs, no warnings that this would happen and that was the hardest part to deal with. I didn't have any pain or any abnormal bleeding. But I knew one morning that I was having too much discharge and the rest is history. When discussing future plans with my OBGYN we decided that when the time came, I would have a preventative cerclage where they would sew my cervix shut around 12-13 weeks.

I found out VERY early that I was pregnant (between 2-3 weeks along). I continued my hip hop regimen as normal and watched my eating although not technically allowed to continue Jenny Craig. I started to spot a little and had my first appointment at the beginning of May. I was cleared to continue exercising but each time I would be moderately active the spotting would happen. The doc reassured me that this is very normal for the first trimester but it'd been too much for me to worry about so I have stopped working out.

It was an inevitable decision because once the cerclage is place I will be under full "pelvic rest" ... google it if you want to know everything I CAN'T do... the lost is shorter of the things I can still do.... but it will all be worth it.