Reflections on Grief

I woke up at almost exactly 5:38... the same time I was giving birth 24 hours ago. Strangely enough, on the morning of the 26th, my daughter was waking her grandpa up at 5:30 AM just as I was laboring. I could hardly believe it when he told us that in our hospital room just as we were checking out. He didn't even know at that time when I had finally delivered...

I was listening to some music and just felt compelled to write. Here is what I wrote:

Grief is a crevasse of emotion, if not careful one might fall in and never see the light of day.

This morning as I lay in bed I know I do not have an absence of grief.

It is there,

In the shadows of my room,

In the aches of my body,

In the corners of my eyes, threatening to well over,

I will not ignore the grief; tears have and will spill,

But, I have an abundance of faith as well. It overwhelms my grief and spares me,

I will not tumble the depths of this tricky crevasse.

God answered my prayers and helped my body make a choice my mind and heart could never make.

In that moment I felt enveloped in a peace,

In that moment, God opened his arms to me and I knew we were in his arms.

Labor was long and I cherished my last hours with my child, interconnected as only mother and child can ever be. I felt his last movements and whispered my hopes and dreams to him only.

And then his journey started,

I held him in my arms and said my goodbyes for now,

A perfect little being, made in love and sent on in love,

Until we meet again, Alhassan.