A Letter to Myself

A letter to my former self:

I look at you in the picture, a few days before Henna’s first birthday and these should have been some of the happiest times. But, the smile on your face is not a real smile. After each picture you kept wondering, why can’t your husband catch a flattering picture of you? But in reality you had been ignoring yourself for months. Ignored the scale, ignored mirrors, ignored your older clothes and just started to buy dresses so that you could hide under the billowing material. But, in these images you finally saw the real reflection.

What you didn’t know at the moment of despair, of self-loathing was that somewhere inside you the fire was being lit. Your relationships were suffering and you didn’t even realize how your bad habits made the closest person to you fearful. Fearful of losing you to obesity and fearful of finding a way to tell you just how much you had changed.

In the next year there were amazing highs and there were also lows that tested everything you knew and felt. I urge you to remember that the times you feel best are when you’ve got energy, when you’re not tired all day, when you’re running, dancing, jumping, playing and not just sitting on the couch all day feeling numb. Jenny Craig was a great catalyst to eat better and smarter and I thank my family everyday for making that investment in my health. To the amazing support I have found within the Jenny Craig community I am eternally grateful. Along the way I also found a support group to deal with the loss of a baby and I found an awesome group of people to dance with. You tried things you never thought you’d do before like spinning and bodypump and for the first time in quite awhile you were brave. You didn’t hide anymore and you let the world see your progress without fear of judgment.

To my current self:

You will always struggle with food, that’s just the reality. It will be a hard fought inner struggle between what used to make you comfortable and what you know you will actually need to care for your body for life. One day, you will be strong enough and those battles and insecurities won’t be as hard to vanquish. So, in 2014:

-     -   get back to the 100’s and STAY there

-      -  try more new activities

-       - get outside or to the rec center with Henna 4x a week

-       - finish the c25k program and run at least 3 5ks this year

-       - don’t stop weekly meal planning and logging into myfitnesspal

-       - keep sharing your story and help others when they ask you

-       - be happy and live for each moment as they come

-       - be more organized

-       -  be patient with myself and others