Moving Along

I never liked the saying that someone was "moving on" ... it seems so finite and maybe, in some life situations one must move on. But, I consider myself as moving along... I am continuing the path of my life but I will never be moved on or "over" my son. Things are getting easier for me. It's easy for me to talk about what happened and there aren't as many triggers for my tears as there were the first week.

This past week I went to Las Vegas with my dad for a dental convention. On the plane to Vegas something came over me and I just needed to release. I turned on my playlist of songs that reflect my feelings and just started crying. I was as silent as possible and I wonder if the two ladies flanking me were aware of my tears. I almost wished they would have asked me how I was doing. I think it's easier to talk about it than to just think about it to myself. A few minutes later, I collected myself and was back to feeling content. It's still strange these waves of sadness.

I talked to my friend, Ginger and we talked for over an hour about all different things. It's so helpful to have a good community of people to turn to. This helps me keep busy and push forward while still acknowledging and recognizing my son's presence.

While I was in Vegas the chaplain of the hospital called me to let me know his cremains and photos were ready to pick up. On Monday, I picked up these last few physical memories. The pictures were beautiful. I really want to post one but out of respect for my husband and his beliefs, they are remaining off the internet. He was so tiny and looked just like my husband. But, so does our daughter. It's only now two years later that I'm finally starting to see a little of myself peeking out... still mostly in her personality.

I had my first weigh in with Jenny Craig before heading off to Vegas. I lost 8.4 pounds ... I then promptly gained 3.4 while in Vegas. It was worth it. We went to two of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants and I had a few drinks... a few more than planned on. But, two days into my week I've already dropped the majority of those gained pounds. I'm moving along with quite a few journeys these days...