I am eternally grateful to my parents for having raised me to openly express my emotions. My dad was never the type of man to stop us from crying. Instead, he held our hands and let us cry things out. My mom would cry right there with us. And now, at 27 years old, facing the most difficult loss I have suffered in my personal life, they are still playing these roles.
I'm sure my mom cried just as much if not more than me while we were in the hospital. Not only was she seeing her own child hurt, I'm sure she was reliving her own personal losses. I remember vividly, even though I was just six years old at the time, losing my sister Sarah, born prematurely and underdeveloped at 7 months gestation. We held a service in the chapel of Riverside Hospital and played two songs that have always stuck with me.
Last night, as I was home alone preparing dinner for my doting husband who is working two jobs right now to achieve his goals, I felt the urge to listen to those songs again. As I listened, the sobs started. What a sight. Rice simmering on the stove and me hovered over the island in my kitchen, hands over eyes, trying to be quiet so as not to wake sleeping Henna. But it felt so good. I may feel like the most cheerful person even during this period of grief, but even I allow myself to let the pain flow from me.
Music will be both a blessing and a curse in this journey. A good song can evoke emotions so strong but sometimes you may not be ready to feel those feelings. The first two songs below are the songs we played for my sister and the third is what I listened to in the hospital as I was waiting for the doctors to come back to assess me after spending the first 24 hours on bed rest. I'd love some suggestions of songs that have gotten you all through hard times.
Be Not Afraid
On Eagle's Wings
When You Believe
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