Doctor, Doctor

Yesterday I had my yearly visit... you know, that one we (women) dread ALL year long? The one where you spend more time sitting in the waiting room and then even more time half naked under a glorified paper napkin waiting for the 2 minute check... that one.

I had originally scheduled this at the very beginning of the year but with all the chaos at work and the fact that they don't give appointment reminder calls, I completely blanked and didn't show up. I felt horrible and called apologetic. The front desk lady was great and basically said it was no big deal. But still... I work in our family dental office... I know how much of a pain it can be when someone doesn't show up or cancels at the last minute.

Regardless, I rescheduled for a later date and wouldn't you know it, I couldn't go on that date either as my monthly visitor decided to drop in. So AGAIN I rescheduled and actually didn't forget about this appointment. All morning I started thinking way too much. I hadn't been to the office since my postpartum check after losing Alhassan. I started remembering all too vividly that day and I had to hold back tears as I was still sitting at my own workplace.

My OB office is right across from our office. I literally just walk to the other side of the parking lot and I'm there. I was on time but I wasn't seen right away. This was BAD for me as I just kept thinking. I kept asking myself why. They weighed me and then finally put me in a room. I had never been in that room before and I was thankful for that. I could hear the mumbled voices in the next room... the same room where an associate Doctor examined me and found on the ultrasound that my cervix was already dilating. The room where he had to give me the news that I was going to be admitted into the hospital right then and there. Part of me wanted to bolt. I didn't want to break down into tears because honestly I've really been keeping my head up and I didn't want it to seem like I was still a ball of nerves, because I'm not (not that there is anything wrong with that... the grieving process and duration is different for everyone)

Finally, the door opened and my doctor came in. He noticed right away that I've lost weight and he was very supportive without sounding like, "Thank God, because you REALLY needed to lose it". He was sincere. We talked a lot and he asked if we had thought anymore about when we might try again and I said not really seeing as husband is in school and we want to be able to visit Niger first. Now, I still think about getting pregnant again ALL the time but that's a different story.

Thankfully, everything looked normal and I was on my way home. Relieved that nothing was wrong and glad to be out of the office.